The Art of the Hook-Up: Your Ethical Guide to a Successful Sex Life by Georgie Wolf

Author:Georgie Wolf [Wolf, Georgie]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Convergence Press
Published: 2019-09-02T14:00:00+00:00

If you’ve fucked up, it might be obvious right away—or you might work it out later, if your partner confronts you or you start to have second thoughts. It feels bad when we realise we’ve hurt someone else, intentional or not. What do you do if you find yourself in this situation?

Listen. You might feel defensive, especially if it was an accident. You might have the urge to say, ’But I didn’t mean to!’ or ‘Why are you giving me a hard time?’ You might feel angry. The thing to remember is, the person you’ve violated deserves to have their feelings heard. It’s important that you behave in a way that allows them to feel safe. It doesn’t matter whether your mistake was large or small. It doesn’t matter whether it was accidental or intentional. This is about them, not you—they need to be listened to.

Accept that everyone makes mistakes. If you genuinely didn’t mean to hurt them, then you’re not a terrible person. People of all genders fuck up consent and live to tell the tale. The crucial thing is the next step…

Own your actions like a boss. Take responsibility. Stand up and say, ‘I did that.’ Ask your partner what you can do to make amends. And—most importantly—ask yourself what you need to do to avoid making the same mistake in the future. Consent fuck-ups are valuable because they help us become better people.

Getting consent right is something everyone needs to work on; not just to avoid hurting others, but also to improve the quality of the connection we have with our partners. Doing consent like a pro gives you the information you need to protect the people you care about (including yourself) and to be the best lover you can be.

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